I was up visiting my parent's this last week. My mom mentioned that I posted that last blog posting and then fell of the face of the planet. So much has gone on and so many things have happened since October that I would think "OOOO! that would make an excellent topic for a blog post" and then I'd come home and be so tired or so busy that I never could make myself sit alone at the computer in it's dark corner to write about it. So I compose in my head and then set it adrift in the atmosphere for y'all to listen for it. I guess that system is not quite as effective as actually writing it down and sending out via the great internet in the cosmos. So I will try to do better starting now. Of course, it helps that a wonderful friend gave me a laptop so now I'm sitting on the sofa w/ my husband watching the History channel and blogging w/ a cat curled up in my lap. Much more attractive than before.
In the last 5 months I have experienced great joy and great sadness, overwhelming peace and anxiety, satisfaction and wanting....and at the end of the day, I'm still glad that I am who I am living the life I'm living and doing it in my own weird way. I guess I can't really go back and tell you everything, but here's the cliff note version. All my kids came home for Christmas which was astoundingly awesome. I started a "temporary job" at a hippie cloth diaper store run by a friend and it's turned into a permanent part time position. I'm not only cleaning bathrooms for a friend but also her whole house and the dwellings for 2 other clients. I have been diagnosed with an irregular heartbeat and also a severely prolapsed mitral valve with "significant regurgitation" which is a great excuse to have my husband carry heavy things for me. I learned how to knit in January and love it and now have another obsession which I'm absolutely POSITIVE that I needed. I finally broke down and bought a real solar oven and it's the coolest thing ever. I'm pretty sure those are all the highlights. And they're not the things that would have inspired me to sit down and pour my heart out to y'all. well, maybe the kids at Christmas, but that would have been they left. That sucked.
Spring is here and I'm able to spend more time outside and that's when I get to listen for the sound of life to tell me things. For God and Mother Nature to whisper their truths to me. For me to be able to be still enough to listen for the directions for my life. I love spring. It renews me. Physically, spiritually, emotionally and every other way that it can.
This didn't turn out to be the post that I wanted it to be but I guess it's the one I was supposed to write as my return to the blogging fold. I guess I'm a little rusty, but I'll get oiled up I'm sure.
Thanks for reading all the way to the end.
Peace,
D
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
To be or not to be...
Normal...that is the question. Since I left my job back in May, I've been working hard to make enough money through sewing and other jobs to make our monthly budget. I've done pretty well so far, but boy, has October been rough. I'm starting to get stressed and wonder where the next paycheck will come from and will it arrive on time and will it be enough. I'm struggling to keep my faith sometimes and it's hard to relax. I'm taking extra time in the morning to chat with God and sit outside by the pond and just listen to what I'm being told and that really helps. A few things are coming through. A friend who's had back surgery has been told that there's simply some things she will not be able to do anymore and she's hired me to help her out around the house every other week. A client who has ordered 3 quilts is paying out over time, bi-weekly. Another friend got me a job as a poll worker on Election Day. Small things like that are panning out. And then a friend who works at a shop that I used to work out gave her notice. My very first thought was "I'll just talk to the owner and take over that job". It wouldn't be much money, but it would be steady. Consistent. Comfortable. Even though this is a job that I left, willingly, because my personality didn't quite fit in. Sometimes it was awkward, even uncomfortably so. And yet, I was willing to go back because it was steady. So I asked my DH to come sit with me by the pond and chat with me about things. First, he said that he really appreciated the fact that I was considering getting another steady job. Second, he said that he really thought that me returning to work at this particular location would not be a good idea. Then he took my hands in his and looked me in the face and said "honey, normal jobs aren't really your style". I was taken aback a little, feeling like he was saying that I wasn't capable. But then I realized that he wasn't. He was saying that maybe I'm different. Unconventional. Eccentric. It's not that I'm not a hard worker, or competent, or capable. I'm all of those things and more. He was saying that I wouldn't be happy. He was saying that it's ok to march to your own drummer. He was saying that he loves me not in spite of me being a square peg, but because of it. It's ok with him if I meet our budget by cleaning someone's bathroom, or helping someone organize their home, or selling things at a craft fair, or working one day at a polling place or all of the above and more. He trusts me to do the right thing even if it's not the way everyone else's wife would do it. It took such a load off of my shoulders and my heart. I was afraid that he would be embarrassed by some of my "job" choices, but he's not. He embraces my differences. My unconventional style. My way of trusting that God and the Universe will care for me if I trust and care for others. I'm glad I'm not normal. Not that there's anything wrong with it. It's just not for me.
And here's a secret. I knew I've always been a little different, but I never realized how different I really am until today. I asked DH why he had never told me. His response? "I thought you knew".
So on that note, any one have any odd jobs that need to be done?
Peace
And here's a secret. I knew I've always been a little different, but I never realized how different I really am until today. I asked DH why he had never told me. His response? "I thought you knew".
So on that note, any one have any odd jobs that need to be done?
Peace
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Goals
It occurred to me the other day that I needed to write down some goals. Sometimes we get so bogged down with trying to stay afloat that we forget that we should be working towards something. A nice retirement, financial independence, a new roof, a new purse, even more money in the budget to spend on groceries or an occasional night out with the hubby. These are all goals. Some of them are more humble than the others and some are long term and some are short term. But you MUST have them. Otherwise, at the end of another week at the grind with nothing to show for it and barely a penny in your pocket you feel hopeless and wonder why you even bother. I asked my DH where he thought we should be in 5 years and he had no answer. He'd never thought about it, just the day to day keeping-the-lights-on nose-to-the-grindstone rut of going to work b/c you're supposed to. I proposed some goal setting.
I can't really discuss my husband's goals, because they're not mine. But I can discuss my goals. One of my goals is to get my Etsy shop up and running and successful. I've recently become involved in the Etsy Holiday Boot Camp to help artists with their shops and one of the tasks in the first weeks check list was to write a mission statement. I just sorta stared at that task and thought about checking it off without doing it. How am I supposed to write a mission statement? That's for big corporations and businesses...not for the Lone Quilter on a Quest who just wants to make some extra money. I went back to the website with the checklist and found a link on how to get started. They asked 2 simple questions to help you with your mission statement. They are:
Why am I working my butt off?
What is my motivation?
Excellent questions! Why do I want to make extra money? What are my goals? So I wrote down my motivations. It was slow going at first, but once I got that first one down on paper more started flowing out of the tip of my pen. Pay for C's college, tickets to see my son and his wife, pay off some medical bills, go to a hockey game with DH, make things easier. After a while I noticed that they all sort of had the same theme and that theme was my Mission. I HAVE A MISSION! And from that, I have a Mission Statement. And here it is:
"To use my abilities and passions to help my family and I achieve our goals and dreams and to become more independent."
Short, sweet and to the point. It encompasses everything I have on my list of goals. I learned that goals are what motivate you to work smarter, achieve greater, think broader, help more, be happier. They give you purpose. They give you hope. They give you faith.
I challenge you to write down some goals. For today, next week, next month, next year. Once you have them written down, you can create a road map on how to get there. You have to know where you're going in order to arrive.
I wish you all peace
D
I can't really discuss my husband's goals, because they're not mine. But I can discuss my goals. One of my goals is to get my Etsy shop up and running and successful. I've recently become involved in the Etsy Holiday Boot Camp to help artists with their shops and one of the tasks in the first weeks check list was to write a mission statement. I just sorta stared at that task and thought about checking it off without doing it. How am I supposed to write a mission statement? That's for big corporations and businesses...not for the Lone Quilter on a Quest who just wants to make some extra money. I went back to the website with the checklist and found a link on how to get started. They asked 2 simple questions to help you with your mission statement. They are:
Why am I working my butt off?
What is my motivation?
Excellent questions! Why do I want to make extra money? What are my goals? So I wrote down my motivations. It was slow going at first, but once I got that first one down on paper more started flowing out of the tip of my pen. Pay for C's college, tickets to see my son and his wife, pay off some medical bills, go to a hockey game with DH, make things easier. After a while I noticed that they all sort of had the same theme and that theme was my Mission. I HAVE A MISSION! And from that, I have a Mission Statement. And here it is:
"To use my abilities and passions to help my family and I achieve our goals and dreams and to become more independent."
Short, sweet and to the point. It encompasses everything I have on my list of goals. I learned that goals are what motivate you to work smarter, achieve greater, think broader, help more, be happier. They give you purpose. They give you hope. They give you faith.
I challenge you to write down some goals. For today, next week, next month, next year. Once you have them written down, you can create a road map on how to get there. You have to know where you're going in order to arrive.
I wish you all peace
D
Monday, August 30, 2010
Success (sorta)
I successfully (sorta) survived my first day back in the empty nester world. My DH had a very long day at work, so I was alone from the time I woke up until about dinner time. The house was startling in it's quiet-ness. Even the dog knows that things are different now. She just laid on the floor, close to me no matter what room I was in. I had to run out to the grocery store to pick up dinner fixins' and she acted very worried when I grabbed my purse. Monroe, my grand-fish is gone as well. He went back to school with C so I don't have the morning routine of feeding and chatting with him while I drink my coffee anymore. Things change so much in the blink of an eye. I guess I was "successful" in surviving in the way that I didn't sit in her room and cry all day, but the "sorta" part was more telling. I got things done. I did my regular chores. I did my regular sewing. I did my regular cooking. But there was something alive and vibrant missing from those things. My daughter is a wonderful young woman. Caring, compassionate, sweet, loving, funny, loyal, smart, beautiful and with a helpful spirit. When she's home, there's not a chore that I set out to do with out hearing "Momma, do you need any help?" Today, that spirit was missing along with the stupid inside jokes and movie quotes and random dance breaks and all the other stuff that we do that no one else gets. My heart hurts because I miss her but more importantly my heart hurts because it's bursting with pride and love for her. She is becoming a successful young woman with good friends surrounding her and a goal in front of her. I did a good job and that makes me happy. From here on out, everything else in my life is gravy. I was blessed with the loan of two amazing people. I raised them and then gave them back to the world. I am a lucky woman. But I sure miss them
deb
deb
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
It's Getting Hot Out Here
When I log into my account to post a blog (which I've been meaning to do) it tells me when the last post was made. June 28th, I believe it said. That's just too long. At that point, we were living without the big a/c unit. We went without the big unit for a couple of weeks, and then a friend of mine offered the loan of a portable a/c unit for our bedroom. It has been pretty awesome. I learned that we could conceivably live without a/c, but I'm really glad that we don't. Especially these last couple of weeks. We are in the dog days of summer. Temps over a 100 every day and not a cloud in the sky. The sun is just beating down on Texas baking everything. It sucks the life and energy from you and all you want to do is take a nap. Which sucks because now is the time when I should be getting my fall garden set up. I have beds to weed and re-plant along with all the regular yard work, plus I'm slowly digging up plants and laying down cardboard and mulch in the front to get ready to plant my new edible landscaping this winter or next spring. Plus, I had planned on painting my house this summer. I've just been staying inside and ignoring the outside but I realized that I have to cowboy up and just get things done, so one task in the morning and one task in the evening will have to get me by until it starts to cool. Last night I worked on mulching the front yard and this morning I weed whacked in between the veg beds so I can at least get out there and work and not have to crawl through the long grass. Tonight, I think I'll plant some pumpkins in the old corn bed. I left the stalks in there so it will shade the soil a little to give the seeds an opportunity to germinate. hmmmm...maybe I should start the seeds indoors and just put the plants out in a few days. That might work better. The other task I was going to have C help with is to wash the rocks in the bio filter. It's getting a little clogged up in there and I'm losing water as it drains over the top.
I lost some plants due to the heat and lack of water, but with my gray water system up and running my pepper plants have survived, along with one watermelon plant and a few tomatoes. I will be cutting the mater plants way back and letting them start again for fall tomatoes. My garden wasn't quite as productive as I had hoped this year, but I'm learning (always) and next year will be better. It always is.
The broiler chickens were processed on July 22nd, so now I have a freezer full of delicious homegrown meat. I ordered a meat grinder attachment for my mixer and now I'll be able to make chicken sausage and such to help vary the ways to use the meat.
Seems like my thoughts aren't really flowing well today. Sorry about that. I'll blame it on the heat. :)
y'all stay cool
I lost some plants due to the heat and lack of water, but with my gray water system up and running my pepper plants have survived, along with one watermelon plant and a few tomatoes. I will be cutting the mater plants way back and letting them start again for fall tomatoes. My garden wasn't quite as productive as I had hoped this year, but I'm learning (always) and next year will be better. It always is.
The broiler chickens were processed on July 22nd, so now I have a freezer full of delicious homegrown meat. I ordered a meat grinder attachment for my mixer and now I'll be able to make chicken sausage and such to help vary the ways to use the meat.
Seems like my thoughts aren't really flowing well today. Sorry about that. I'll blame it on the heat. :)
y'all stay cool
Monday, June 28, 2010
Perspective
Good Monday morning, friends,
today I'd like to discuss "perspective". Last week I got our first summer electric bill. I whined and complained and threatened to just turn the damn thing off and live in the back yard to spite the cost of cool air. Well, I guess the universe took me at my word, as the universe often will. Last night, our main air conditioner unit bit the dust. A little background on our house and the cool/heat system. Our home was built in 1907 (or there abouts). The house really is very similar to when it was built. The front porch was screened in somewhere in the 50s, the back porch was extended and turned into an extra room and the front bedroom was opened up to create on long front room and it serves as my dining room now. Other than that, everything is the same. Old floors (wood), old windows (double hung), doors everywhere, tall ceilings. This house was built to deal with the hot summers.
Back to the story. My first instinct was to get that familiar lump in my throat and fluttery feeling in my stomach. We can't afford to replace this particular unit right now and all I could think of was "OMG! It's only June...not even really hot yet for Texas". But then, things started to really fall into perspective. The main point being that people have lived (and still do) without a/c in this part of the world for centuries. They deal. They adapt. They work with nature to do so. And of course, I can't ever be satisfied with the explanation of "shit happens". There has to be some existential reasoning behind everything. Perhaps I was taking things for granted. Perhaps I need to learn how to live without a/c for some future disaster. Perhaps I need to spend more time outdoors doing things that I need to do instead of hanging out inside watching movies and sucking up cool air. Perhaps I need to take advantage of this situation to see where I need to improve things in the house (ie: insulated drapes for the windows, more ceiling fans, etc) Perhaps I just need to learn to adapt and make the best of things and still be thankful for what I've got instead of being a brat about things I don't.
This morning I got up early and went out on the front porch to drink my coffee and plan my day. I even got my husband to turn off the morning tv and come out and spend some time just being and chatting and enjoying each other's company. It was lovely. All my chores got done early and now I can sew during the heat of the day. C and I are setting up our summer kitchen today outdoors. I've been wanting to do that for a few years and never have b/c I never needed to. I love being outdoors and cooking outdoors, you'd think I'd have an outdoor kitchen set up year round! Well, now I will.
Since we don't have central a/c, C has a small window unit in her room and there's also one in my sewing room. We've closed doors in such a manner to create a cool area (bedrooms and sewing room) and it's fairly comfortable for sleeping and sewing. This could be a good experience for all of us. Best part? We're going to save a LOT of money this summer and that's always a good thing.
I've put it in perspective. Instead of thinking this is a disaster, I'm now thinking that I'm pretty stoked about it. Everything happens for a reason. We just have to roll with the punches and put things in perspective. Attitude is everything, and everything is a learning experience. It's also a chance to count your blessings and realize that you still have it pretty good.
Ok. I think I'm done. I need to go hang some more laundry. We have a 50% chance of rain, and I've found the second best way to ensure rain (1st is washing the car and leaving the windows down) is hanging 3 loads of laundry on the line.
ya'll stay cool and keep things in perspective
peace
today I'd like to discuss "perspective". Last week I got our first summer electric bill. I whined and complained and threatened to just turn the damn thing off and live in the back yard to spite the cost of cool air. Well, I guess the universe took me at my word, as the universe often will. Last night, our main air conditioner unit bit the dust. A little background on our house and the cool/heat system. Our home was built in 1907 (or there abouts). The house really is very similar to when it was built. The front porch was screened in somewhere in the 50s, the back porch was extended and turned into an extra room and the front bedroom was opened up to create on long front room and it serves as my dining room now. Other than that, everything is the same. Old floors (wood), old windows (double hung), doors everywhere, tall ceilings. This house was built to deal with the hot summers.
Back to the story. My first instinct was to get that familiar lump in my throat and fluttery feeling in my stomach. We can't afford to replace this particular unit right now and all I could think of was "OMG! It's only June...not even really hot yet for Texas". But then, things started to really fall into perspective. The main point being that people have lived (and still do) without a/c in this part of the world for centuries. They deal. They adapt. They work with nature to do so. And of course, I can't ever be satisfied with the explanation of "shit happens". There has to be some existential reasoning behind everything. Perhaps I was taking things for granted. Perhaps I need to learn how to live without a/c for some future disaster. Perhaps I need to spend more time outdoors doing things that I need to do instead of hanging out inside watching movies and sucking up cool air. Perhaps I need to take advantage of this situation to see where I need to improve things in the house (ie: insulated drapes for the windows, more ceiling fans, etc) Perhaps I just need to learn to adapt and make the best of things and still be thankful for what I've got instead of being a brat about things I don't.
This morning I got up early and went out on the front porch to drink my coffee and plan my day. I even got my husband to turn off the morning tv and come out and spend some time just being and chatting and enjoying each other's company. It was lovely. All my chores got done early and now I can sew during the heat of the day. C and I are setting up our summer kitchen today outdoors. I've been wanting to do that for a few years and never have b/c I never needed to. I love being outdoors and cooking outdoors, you'd think I'd have an outdoor kitchen set up year round! Well, now I will.
Since we don't have central a/c, C has a small window unit in her room and there's also one in my sewing room. We've closed doors in such a manner to create a cool area (bedrooms and sewing room) and it's fairly comfortable for sleeping and sewing. This could be a good experience for all of us. Best part? We're going to save a LOT of money this summer and that's always a good thing.
I've put it in perspective. Instead of thinking this is a disaster, I'm now thinking that I'm pretty stoked about it. Everything happens for a reason. We just have to roll with the punches and put things in perspective. Attitude is everything, and everything is a learning experience. It's also a chance to count your blessings and realize that you still have it pretty good.
Ok. I think I'm done. I need to go hang some more laundry. We have a 50% chance of rain, and I've found the second best way to ensure rain (1st is washing the car and leaving the windows down) is hanging 3 loads of laundry on the line.
ya'll stay cool and keep things in perspective
peace
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