Still attempting to learn how to upload photos from my phone. Bare with me

Something weird...

Something weird is happening to me. I thought that when C left for school, I'd be huddled in a quivering mass in the corner, waiting for a phone call or email. Amazingly enough, that hasn't happened. Sure, I get sad every once in a while, and I certainly miss her. With text capabilities and the ever present Facebook, we're in pretty close contact on a regular basis. We even watch tv together occasionally. I know in my heart that I did a good job raising her (or her raising me..whatever). She's smart, she's responsible and she makes good decisions. I also know that her campus is small and sort of set apart from town. She's on an island off an island...so yeah, not a lot of traffic coming and going, so she's pretty safe. I find that I don't worry about her physical safety and she's made some good friends. So it's almost like all those years of worrying and protecting have kind of come to an end. Don't get me wrong, I will always worry when my kids travel, or go to a new place or just are gone from me. I'm their mom after all, and that's sort of our job. But I'm confident that she'll be fine. And in knowing that, I'm free to get back to me. Like I took a 22 year hiatus from the Deb business to raise the next generation. So, maybe, now back to Deb. I'm putting together my own outfits, for instance and enjoying it. I bought LIP GLOSS. For myself. Without asking the lady next to me if she thought it was a good color for me. And I like it. I'm deciding what to cook. What to watch. What to do. When to eat. I always used to ask her and we'd work out something that was good for both of us. Always working together. And I'm SO glad for those years we were together. I will cherish them always. But I taught her to compromise and share and get along when neither of us felt like it. Valuable life lessons.

And now that I'm here by myself a lot (DH works two jobs, 70-80 hrs per week) I'm able to see what needs to be done around here. Before I was her caretaker. Now, I guess, I'll be the caretaker of the house and the yard more. I can devote more time to these things. I feel like I have the time to putter in the garden for a few hours and not have to worry about fixing dinner at a regular hour since I'm the only one that's home to be fed. Things like that.

Yesterday, I made laundry detergent again. I've been meaning too for a month or two, just never had the 15 minutes it takes in one lump. So I jumped on it yesterday. Today, I'm making and canning apple sauce and also some green salsa. I've got 6 pints of apple sauce processing now, then the salsa will go in the canner. That makes me feel happy. I'm also contemplating removing a piece of ugly furniture that I've had for at least 15 years. It's the last item leftover from my last marriage and I'm very excited about ridding myself of it. I've also been working through the piles of stuff in my sewing room. I took everything off of my work surfaces (ironing and cutting board) and while they're still piled in there, I can now work in there. And I'm making a dent. Slowly, but really it took a while for it to get bad in there. I can't expect to get it all finished and out of there in 2 days. I'm almost to the point where I can start focusing on making items for sale on etsy. That's exciting. I will finish some fall placemats that I started this time last year. They've been in the pile. Maybe this is what my new life will be. Focused, a little more relaxed and a little more time spent caring for me.

I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship....

Back to the Future

I've started reading this magazine, Mary Jane's Farm, and when I read it, I get nostalgic. But for what? I grew up on Air Force Bases and none of my relatives were farmers. I get the same feeling when I watch a Western or see a quilt book with quilts from the Civil War and I wonder what is it in my wiring that makes me wish I was a pioneer farm woman. Sometimes I look around my home and I think that if I was, there'd be more crocheted rugs on the floor and the spiderwebs in the corner would be gone and my home would be warmer and cleaner. I wonder if I'd be considered lazy or if I could keep up. Sometimes I feel that I have no direction, that I just ping pong around with great ideas and lots of lists, but that I never see anything to it's fruition. I want to change that. I need to change that. It's an exciting thought and an exhausting thought. But what a difference I could make around here. The yard would be mowed and the garden beds weeded and neat. The house would be painted and repaired. My family would have an oasis away from the outside world.

It's a thought...