Faith - Don't leave home without it

I am a firm believer in Faith. Faith is like Hope with a backbone. You can hope something will happen, but with faith, you believe that it will. I believe that the (not so) simple act of having faith lends faith it's strength and truth. Hoping something will happen sort of tosses something up into the air and maybe you get heads, maybe tails. But having FAITH that something will happen turns those hopes into truths. You can't just say you have faith, you REALLY, REALLY have to have faith, to believe that it's a truth, to believe that God or the Universe or whatever you believe in will see that you trust It to take care of the situation. Back in the day, when I was a struggling single mom going through a messy divorce, I was waiting tables in a little cafe in a one horse town, I decided that I really needed to buy a house for me and the kids. A logical choice from a woman who had basically no income, tons of debt and bad credit and barely a foot to stand on. But I had faith. I ended up waiting a some older ladies and we got to talking. One of them was selling a house here in town. She wasn't going through a realtor, just selling it herself. Now this house just happened to be one that I'd walk by almost daily. It was after the lunch rush at the cafe and my boss said that I could leave and look at the house. So I did, knowing that there really was no way I could EVER buy a house. I fell in love with it. It was perfect. In town so the kids could walk to school safely, big back yard, the old house I'd always wanted to live in. I dreamed about this house. Once I decided that I wanted it, I went to a mortgage broker here in town and unbelievably, someone decided that they'd give me a shot. Again, I had faith. My friends who knew my situation asked me what my back up plan was because they knew I wouldn't get it. There was no way I could. I was getting ready to be up in my lease at my old house and had no other alternatives. I told them I didn't have a back up plan. I told them that if I came up with a back up plan, it meant that I didn't truly have Faith that my needs would be met. I still live here. I know in my heart, that there is no earthly explanation for me to have gotten this house. None.

All of that was for this.

I've been having a crisis of Faith lately. It happens every once in a while, and it's so dumb. I know that time and time again, when I give things/needs/desires over to Faith, not only are they met, but I am also blessed with such a peace in my soul. I don't need to stress about bills or repairs or birthday gifts, but somehow, in my flawed heart, sometimes I still do. Or if there's something that is a need, but also a want...and I want it NOW...and then I see that I'm acting like a spoiled child. And I'm ashamed of myself. I've been shown the promise of security time and time again and yet I still fall into the pit of anxiety and obsession.

And then, when I realize the error of my ways and I lay all that stress and anxiety on the altar and step away and let the clouds of uncertainty disolve, God's love and truth shines down on me again and I have a day like I had yesterday, filled with the truth of the Promises and beauty of living simply and with the earth and the joy of sharing it with others and a feeling of serenity and peace. Which I think we all need on a daily basis.

I wish you all peace,

Deb